Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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