Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
