you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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