The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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