I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize