no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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