i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
