So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
