I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Sex in the backyard? Check.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
