it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Do vagina's smell?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
