i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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