kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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