those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize