Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
