i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
