atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
