I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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