Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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