you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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