she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
