i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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