But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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