She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
