Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
