Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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