Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
