You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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