Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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