drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
foreskin is a definite game changer
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
