So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize