I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Randomize
