There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
