I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize