i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
