So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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