why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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