This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
