I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This is my gift to your gina
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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