I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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