is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
