where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
