Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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