I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
