I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she looked like the before picture.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
