Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
