Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
