This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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