There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
