Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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