They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Randomize
