He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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