Yo dont text me then not text me
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
