i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
