Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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