What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
