life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
