so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
