I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you traded sex for a burrito?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
