drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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