guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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