She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
