Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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