Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can't turn off my feet"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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