You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
