This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
