a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
