I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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