The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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