i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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