if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
