Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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