I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
