U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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