just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
