Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
