If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
