forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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