so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
