dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
