Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
