I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
organizing the empties. That sober.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
