We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
