On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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