And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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