please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
