Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she peed on how many people?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
