Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
