Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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