I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
