those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
