Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
