I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
