Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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