Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
is that a dick in a sweater?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
