i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
