Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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