Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
