As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
