yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
