GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
