ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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