I wish I could punch you in the face.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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