I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
