i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
As shirtless as possible
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
