you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
