There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize