So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
