i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
