I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
