You're completely useless in the revolution.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
