just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
