I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
