New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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