3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How does one acquire holy water?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
