I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize