Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
