I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i dont even know how to be here
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
