I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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