I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
