You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
