i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
