Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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