if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
